One of the best decisions I took this year was losing weight.
It was the single most impactful decision of my life but what I endured to get results was a traumatic experience that still leaves me with a shudder when I think back on it.
I was on vacation with my family visiting my sister, when I woke up one morning and took a walk around the house.
I caught my reflection in one of the framed paintings in the living room and stared at the stranger looking back at me in the mirror.
I was round like mortar without the pestle……….was that really me?
Aiye mi, temi ba mi.
How did I get here?
What was I looking at all these days?
That’s it, I told myself………….no more.
In the next few days, I reached out to a health coach, got a weight loss journal and went shopping for some exercise gear.
I weighed myself and sighed at the sight……. kilode, this was pathetic. From a petite 8 to size 12……haaa my enemies have caught up with me through food.
I told my entire family I was turning over a new leaf and embarking on a serious weight loss journey.
I noticed the pitiful look my husband gave me as he asked me………” are you sure about this, you do realise we are on vacation?”
"I got this Dee", I told him and noticed my sister and her hubby chuckling behind me.
Hian……I will show them all that I can do this, I thought to myself.
The first day was hell………….my first task from my coach was to ignore/discard/say no to all forms of sugary drinks and soda aka soft drinks for a week.
I was to eat what I liked but no fizzy drinks, only 2 litres of water and green tea were allowed.
“Piece of cake” was my initial thought until I went downstairs and downed the first glass of fizzy drink that came my way.
My sister, brother in law and hubby snickered at me laughing hilariously………. I was already failing woefully on my first task.
I persisted but stole little shots of drinks in secrets all through that week. Flavoured water, coke, apple cider…. heck this was supposed to be my vacation, why punish myself like this.
I had no inkling what I had gotten myself into until all my other tasks came in the following week.
The next set of instructions almost left me wailing in my native tongue.
No rice, no yam, no beef, no fried foods, no oil in other words, KILL ME NOW……………. “Inserts Rihanna’s Man down”
Like seriously, biko how I wan take survive?
And I had not even started the exercises.
I was seriously having a rethink but went through my vision board journal and chided myself……..you can do this girl.
You gat this, you are stronger than this. You can beat this……come on girl, see the end goal.
THIS FAT MUST DIE......Fly like a butterfly……sting like a bee. I am ALI…. scratch that…. I AM IBK
Yeeeaaaah…. I was charged with so much motivation and set out to start my day.
Initially, it went well, I mean I endured my green tea, oil less vegetables and sweet potatoes with pleasantly horrid expressions and persistence until my sister came home with fries and fried chicken from KFC.
LOBATAN……………. get thee behind me oh Captain Sanders….my stomach groaned as the mesmerising smell wafted to me.
I resisted the urge binding and cursing every Tasmanian devil with the pitchfork telling me to give in.
I succeeded in evading the bucket but made a mental note to identify which part of the fridge the leftovers were kept.
With some stroke of luck, I just may sneek to get some later.
While I was still battling with the urge for KFC, my brother in law had set up the grill for burgers, hotdogs and shrimps on the patio.
OGINI PATARA ALL THESE NONSENSE NOW……………………….abi kilode gan.
Shoooooooooooooo……. One cannot come and diet in peace in this house.
I quietly made my way to the room and encouraged myself with all the Size 8 clothes I had recently purchased.
This too shall pass, I told myself looking towards the patio as my stomach groaned again at the sight of the smoking grill.
I had never been sadder in my life.
By the time the grilling was done, I was already hallucinating….how green smoothie could turn into pounded yam with sautéed onions and ketchup soup naaaah………………that didn’t sound right.
It felt like I was under some cold turkey rehabilitation program for sugar addicts.
The glory of the scent had filled the temple………. sorry living room and I was losing my mind.
I remembered the concern on my niece's face as she came up to get me……” Are you ok aunty, you look like you are in pain. Mum said to get you”
Ahhhhh I certainly was in pain oh! As I watched all them shrimp in batter, hotdogs, burgers served in a platter on the kitchen island, see heartbreak.
Next thing I know, I am reaching out for fries, burger, hotdogs and chicken with a big cup of coke eating with relish in front of the TV.
It felt like being freed from years of slavery……. Haaaaa e no go better for weight loss I thought, shaking my head.
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