Yeeeeeee, yeeeeee, egbami ohhhhhhhh Jesus………………BIG THUD ON THE FLOOR
Nooo, it is not a robbery scene, neither was I trying to kill a snake or rodent.
Rather it is the sight and sounds of me crashing gallantly in a shameful heap on the floor after just 6 seconds of planking.
I groaned as I crumpled on the floor.
This weight loss tribulation……….. sorry program I have gotten myself into was totally killing me.
6 seconds of planking and I was stuck………..as in STUCK OHHHH.
Now I regret all those TGIF nights of endless tempting, evil and delicious junk foods….. pizza slices, unholy packs of small chops and endless promotion celebration.
Anyways, back to my tale……My husband rushed in to try and help me up after hearing my cry of alarm from downstairs.
There I was on the floor breathing heavily with a small line of sweat breaking out on my forehead.
“What happened Mummy” I noticed my boy running in behind his father asking me with concern in his eyes.
I was tempted to say ‘Mummy was doing exercise and virtue left her’ actually, that was what happened.
‘’Mummy was doing exercise and hurt herself” I explained to him as my hubby helped me up.
“Awwww sorry Mummy” he said rubbing my head while I managed a small smile at him
“Pele”, my husband said and ruffled my hair a little…..I could tell he was trying to stifle a laugh.
“Maybe you should start with the simpler exercises”….. he encouraged me after making sure I was fine.
Not long after he went back downstairs with the munchkin, I heard them all laughing as he tried explaining the position he found me to the rest of the family.
‘Snitch’ I thought …all these people that will not encourage me and be laughing at me.
‘God….please make this cup pass over me , just help me’ … I prayed.
My exercise routines included 40 seconds of wall sit, 40 squats, 20 seconds of planking and 5 abdominal exercises of 20 sets each.
I had only succeeded in doing 10 seconds of wall sit, 20 squats and 5 seconds and a half of planking.
The rest of the exercises were history. I had not even attempted them. What made it worse was my No-nonsense coach.
For every exercise routine missed, you incur a punishment of a double set and she asks for a video of the exercise through whatsapp so there was no means of escape.
In the last two weeks, I had grappled with a lot of mental battles and self discipline issues.
The war between what is actually right and what feels right.
The ability to eat what you want versus what is right and the ability to commit to your weight loss journey long after you have made it and you really don’t feel like doing it anymore.
I honestly could relate with the feeling Alex the lion had in the animation ‘ Madagascar’ when all he saw when he looked at his friends and the lemurs were slices of steaks.
Let me just make it clear here that “Sufferhead” is not someone prone to recurrent hardship, “Sufferhead” is truly embarking on weight loss without the mental capability and self discipline.
I kid you not, this is not a small something oh. Abi, how you wan take see wickedly steaming hot yummy red jollof rice with fried chicken beckoning to you and you have to waka pass for salad and olive oil dressing?
How do you keep a straight face in front of correct pounded yam and egusi soup (that type with fresh red oil dancing on it and periwinkle) with cow leg then opt for some boiled semi ripe plantain and oil-less vegetable. (Who jazz you, my Ondo lineage people go ask)
How do you just wake up early in the morning and start running on the same spot for one hour…………….no be craze be that? But that is what I have to do on my treadmill most mornings.
My people, weight loss na serious mental capability and self discipline and if you don’t have it…………STOP WASTING YA TIME.
Truth be told, it did not happen in one day, but little steps at it each day.
Consistency with my exercise and not cheating on my meal plan eventually paid off.
It started with 1kg, then 2 then 5 then 10…………..Today I have lost 22kg if not more as I neva check scale in awhile……..If you think i'm joking, come and look for me in person.
Today I have graduated from 40 squats to 100 squats a day, 2 minutes of planking, 120 sets of abs exercises and 4 minutes wall sit…..and I kid you not, it is still not easy.
I have gone from my Size 12 dress size to a Size 8, the problem now be say clothes no fit me again but my hubby and entire family are in awe.
Look who's laughing now……….(inserts evil laughter)
I leave you with this saying, Somewhere in the world someone is training when you are not. When you race him, he will win.
As I dey, I’m winning with my new size.
If you like, no gree, tanda there dey look. Just know say ‘Sitdon look na Dog name’